the toilet bowl

I’m dry heaving in the bathroom

Crouched over the toilet bowl

I’ve been here before 

Expelled all remnants of the evening 

Into a swirling concoction 

Of mucky colours and 

Unappealing textures 

No ingredients left to add to the potion

Yet my body aches to give

To stay in a retching motion 

Salivating for the dryness that 

Pains my chest 

Forceful upward breaths 

Regret regret regret

Why must I find myself here again?

 

Metal handle, I push down

The feelings I intend to drown

Spiral and reflect

The things I long to forget 

Leave stains on the white porcelain 

Like being adorned with 

Sparkles and ornaments 

Brush and cleaner work their magic

The surface returns to its

Polished smooth state 

And I stand proud, clear slate 

And I dry heave again but I won’t

Make a mess, I have nothing left, no

Regret regret regret